Sunday, 31 January 2010

Essays and Elle

Dan "Fitzy" Fitzgerald really is a stickler for the rules, isn't he? When news of timid Sunny's essay-writing crime came to light, the principal of Erinsborough High was not budging. He was letting the exchange-student organisation know, regardless of how well acquainted he was with the pupil involved.

I'm with him. Not because I am a stout advocate of school policy but because it is likely to mean that Zeke's annoying girlfriend is going to be extinguished from our screens and sent back to her homeland, which, despite her having a broad Aussie accent, is South Korea, the dog-eating capital of the world.

Persevering with schoolwork-based noticings, I had to chuckle at Libby's reaction to Kyle's Sunny-written assignment. Canning is a pillock, of that there is no doubt, but Fitzy's wife seemed genuinely shocked that the self-titled K-man had actually given her an essay with words on it. It was as if she expected pages of cartoonish cock drawings or a collage of Rolf Harris, made out of penne pasta, Wotsits and glitter and held together by Ready Brek.

Other highlights of the Ramsay Street week included how easy it was for Ringo to walk into Donna and Saffron's mediation encounter, and that terrific scene when Karl and Harry trundled past each other in Harold's Store, wearing virtually the same clothes.

I did have a teary moment, though, when exquisite Elle waved her goodbyes to Erinsborough in order to follow the journalistic dream. At least I still have her milfy step-mum Rebeccaa and the foxy grease monkey Steph.

Saturday, 23 January 2010

Josh to Heaven, where to for Elle?

Sometimes Neighbours shenanigans swirl around my mind for ages. I can be walking along, making a cup of tea, having a whale of a time on a bouncy castle, stroking my terribly unmanly stubble, and then Ramsay Street palaver hits me and I chuckle, reminisce or groan.

This week, however, I can only really remember a few moments of note. Firstly, Lou swanning about in his vest. The seedy smile that Captain Carpenter always exudes is endearing but I could really have done without seeing his old-geezer folds peeking out of that cotton garment.

And secondly of course, there was the unfortunate demise of Josh, the editor of the West Waratah Star. I'm sad the newspaper guy has gone to the place in the sky but resent him for perishing as it means my beloved Elle has had an epiphany and decided to chase the dream in NYC, or so she thought.

It now appears the beautiful coffee-shop owner come journo is destined to write scintillating stories from the war-torn areas in the Middle East, didn't Riley Parker go off and do the same thing?

From next week's trailer, it seems as though a parting of the ways between Elle and the more interesting of the Fitzgerald brothers is inevitable but surely if she does sojourn to Iraq, Afghanistan and the ilk, Lucas would be a necessary ally, after all, with tanks and trucks being blown up left, right, and centre, the war people would be crying out for a mechanic.

If Elle does depart, a small part of my life will die, but now that Lou has moved into number 30, some humorous horse play between the silver-topped punchinello, Toadie and Callum will quickly perk me up.

Friday, 15 January 2010

The Deb, dancing and Dan

Aah, the deb finally arrived and what an occasion it was. However, I have some questions. I thought the gala was for students of Erinsborough High, so why was two-thirds of Ramsay Street there having a good old shindig? I am glad Toadie reared his head though, as his short burst of rapid dancing, along with his bordering-on homoerotic love of dance guru, Jason Coleman made my week. Admittedly, I have a had a quiet week.

Kate Ramsay also showed herself to be very fleet of foot once again, plucking up the courage to perform for Coleman slap bang in the middle of the dance floor. Her execution was solid but she does not have much variety, does she? A few revolutions and a raised hand is all she seems to do.

In other news, Lucas proposed to Elle, she said yes, eventually, and Lucas' brother Dan was exasperated by the whole saga. It is just a shame that it has taken "Fitzy" this long into his Neighbours tenure to develop a personality.

His wife, Libby, has always floated my boat though, the fact she spent a chunk of the week firing infected deb food out of both barrels has not changed that. I do have to question her attention-paying abilities, however.

On Friday, the luscious Mrs. Kennedy-Fitzgerald remarked that she had been married to Dan for "all these years." They've only been wed five minutes, I suppose time flies.

And I must not forget Lib's son, Ben, before I conclude this week's tirade. Most of the time, he is an absolutely shocking actor but his impression of The Simpsons' moustached legend Ned Flanders was a real hoot. The best, and perhaps only, thing he has perfected since his dancing masterpiece outside Harold's Store a few months ago. Why has Jason Coleman not been alerted to this little mover's shape-shifting talents?

Friday, 8 January 2010

School shenanigans and clothing critiques

The Erinsborough posse returned from their Christmas break this week and once again the deb was on everybody's lips. Harry, in particular, was fixated by it, first by trying to confirm his place at the high-school extravaganza and once that was settled, aiming to smuggle booze in with him, just so he could have his way with the pretty Sarah Aquino.

Hazza doesn't have much luck with the girls, does he? I think I know why. Not because of his curly locks or even his tendency for abrupt mood swings, but because in his spare time he wears 3/4 lengths - and long socks. Surely the point of the 3/4 length - a garment won on the legs that is not as short as shorts or as long as trousers - is that some leg is shown, otherwise you'd just wear trousers. Ramsay, however, mixes the 3/4 length not with sporty socks that end at the ankle, but your everyday sock that extends up your shin and calf, meaning there is no leg on display and he looks a complete pillock.

He carried that idiocy into the task of obtaining alcohol. Who in their right mind when trying to buy drink underage would go into an establishment in which they are likely to be known? This moron did. He tentatively walked into Charlie's with his fake ID, supplied by the foxy school bitch, Amanda Fowler, plonked it on the counter and asked the bar geezer for some sauce, before being rumbled by the majestic Lou.

Now even if Harry did not know the bar staff, surely there was a massive likelihood that someone in there would recognise him. And to make it even worse, he went back there later to collect drink from that beardy div who had purchased it for him. Does he have a brain?

Speaking of cretins in school uniform, I move on to Kyle Canning. He's lurked around for quite a while now but he has never done anything to warrant the moniker of "The K-Man." A nickname of that description suggests an element of coolness but this wally is yet to do anything wacky, underhand or sensational. He tagged along with that troublesome ginger kid Justin and hung around with Zeke when he went mental but he has not - under any circumstances - been the mastermind of the operation. K-Man - I think not.

And before I leave Erinsborough High, did anyone see that odd, blonde, clappy-hand kid when Amanda, Kate and Sunny were bickering in the dance class on Friday. Priceless.

Other than the deb, the week was taken up by Elle returning from New York but wishing she was still there and the continued animosity between Libby and Dan, but putting that aside, why does Rebecca always wear a dress?

It makes no sense. I mean, I get that when she's out and about she wants to look the part, but she even wears a frock when she's just dossing around the house, moving ornate furniture or giving one of her traditional motherly chats. Does busty Miss Napier not own jeans and a t-shirt?

Callum - who puts the other kids on the show to shame - certainly owns something, the worst excuse of all time. When someone lobbed a bin on him as he visited his prospective "big school," the rotund kid told Toadie that he fell in it. A person tumbling head first into a rubbish bin and then getting up with the aforementioned item still around their noggin. Yeah, pull the other one son, though if that really happened it would be a You've Been Framed clip I'd pay to see.

That's my rant over, see you all next week.

Tuesday, 5 January 2010

Welcome Neighbours fans, one and all

After years of watching the fun and frolics in sun-laden Ramsay Street, I have decided to transfer my thoughts into words. Stay tuned for the first installment which hits your computers on Friday.